Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
