Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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