woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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