I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
