I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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