Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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