So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
