You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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