Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
