i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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