mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
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