Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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