Welp...herpes.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
