Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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