Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
