Already got asked if we're dating
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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