I can tuck mytits in my pants
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
