she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
