That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
