That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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