If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
