I think my fart just growled at me.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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