Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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