ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
