Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
