I am spending my child support on dildos
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We have started to decorate penises.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
