im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
40s are totally the cure
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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