I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
