hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
