every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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