i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
