she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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