ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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