I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
