is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
