The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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