currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
