Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
