I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you told grandpa to call you daddy
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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