So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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