All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
