My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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