I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
