Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
