he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
