I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
