I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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