Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
