can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
