the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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