you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
