oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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