Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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