one two three fourrrrnication!
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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