remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
