Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
