i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
