He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
