i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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