Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
