i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
