You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
